Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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