I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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