he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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