Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
