Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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