Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My vagina just clenched in fear
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
