So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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