omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
