So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is the high leading the old right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
