If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
