well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
