I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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