I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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