Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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