Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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