my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
