i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
