What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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