turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
