she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
