i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
