yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
