...so i touched it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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