apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
