I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
