You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
