I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
