We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
