You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
