What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
