It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
