He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm at about main and main street
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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