I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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