new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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