census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
