Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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