ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bring me that man meat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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