How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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