she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His nipple licking is glorious
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