the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
