She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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