She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
