I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
