i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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