Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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