SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
