i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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