I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
