do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
