tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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