He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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