sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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