Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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