i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
