How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed