If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?