I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.