Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.