Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

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  (202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb
  Replies (31) Good night (4179) Bad night (746)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar

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  (248): it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar http://tfl.nu/5trr
  Replies (12) Good night (3041) Bad night (1998)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

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  (803): I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15 http://tfl.nu/mt2n
  Replies (33) Good night (7504) Bad night (668)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

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  (520): Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn http://tfl.nu/666p
  Replies (20) Good night (6654) Bad night (808)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

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  (814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo
  Replies (37) Good night (7248) Bad night (2012)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.

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  (908): I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11. http://tfl.nu/hmrj
  Replies (37) Good night (1027) Bad night (9168)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...

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  (615): But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume... http://tfl.nu/x6iy
  Replies (5) Good night (4465) Bad night (782)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.

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  (407): He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember. http://tfl.nu/ugc6
  Replies (8) Good night (2647) Bad night (895)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.

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  (812): It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind. http://tfl.nu/4evb
  Replies (9) Good night (1148) Bad night (725)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight

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  (214): Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight http://tfl.nu/391k
  Replies (5) Good night (816) Bad night (277)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them

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  (651): It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them http://tfl.nu/2gqy
  Replies (2) Good night (483) Bad night (273)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I haven't been sober in 4 days.

  (1-224): View more from Illinois

  Then be sober

  (224): View more from Illinois

  No.

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  (224): I haven't been sober in 4 days. (1-224): Then be sober (224): No. http://tfl.nu/ylow
  Replies (2) Good night (1099) Bad night (221)
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  (760): View more from California

  Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now

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  (760): Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now http://tfl.nu/y22e
  Replies (4) Good night (257) Bad night (357)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.

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  (254): I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious. http://tfl.nu/40vt
  Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (141)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now

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  (815): I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now http://tfl.nu/gmmk
  Replies (5) Good night (433) Bad night (192)

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