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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

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• (646): View more from New York

  Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often

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  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (914): View more from New York

  Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to

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• (806): View more from Texas

  No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY

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