Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
