After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
