Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
