i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
