It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
