Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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