i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
