my mouth tastes like poor choices
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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