Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
