I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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