if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
