The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
