I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
