somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
