i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
