please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
