you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
