I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
