I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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